Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize