i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
