Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
