is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
