I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize