Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I want a musical about memes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
