everyone is single if you try hard enough
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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