I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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