he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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