dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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