I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
