I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
