youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
True college students do jello shots in the library
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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