I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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