dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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