I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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