Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
