Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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