So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
