I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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