Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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