zippers are such a cool invention
this boner is exhausting
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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