my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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