cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
