this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
