Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
a search helicopter?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
