Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
