he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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