i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
