She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
