the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
