Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
