I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
