Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
