I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
