my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
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