hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ttyl tear gas
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
