Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize