So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
