i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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