I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
