hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
