Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
