i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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