booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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