First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
