don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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