I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just high enough for therapy.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
