An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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