yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
