he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
