Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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