I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
