everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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