I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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