im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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