ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just google imaged poop.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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