dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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