i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
