THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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