your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
