Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
